its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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