i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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