Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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