Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
