we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
