her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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