it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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