The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
