I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
