i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
