dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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