IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
