If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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