I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize