3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
