well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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