Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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