Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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