im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The beer is more important than you right now.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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