just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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