She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
