ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
