I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
