i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
