happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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