Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize