Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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