Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
