I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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