Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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