Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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