you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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