My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
