do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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