"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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