im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
