Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
