I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
