he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
