Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
