I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
