if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
