So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
