Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
