I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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