dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
