just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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