Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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