I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
