That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
