were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
