hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
