WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
