Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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