cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize