seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
