mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
