There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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