my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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