He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
BRING THE BAGELS
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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