...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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