I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found your dick twin last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
