Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
