Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dicks are not precious.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
