i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize