Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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