YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
