Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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