it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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