apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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